I’m paying more attention to my daily rituals that get me out of bed and to work…all the little things that happen and that I do each day, although I have always appreciated, and tried to include, a subtle change or two to gently break the pattern, to keep it a little fresh…trying not to be an absolute creature of rigid habits. Anyway, I am noticing and pondering the steps I take to get from point A (Home) to Point B (Work)…and how many times I have gone through this over the years. It does become somewhat automatic…so now as I’m winding down from this particular routine, I’m seeing how some of the elements will change and some won’t, but trying to ‘savor’ each moment of life…even the very seemingly mundane and insignificant parts, because as I age I understand what a gift life is, every second of it, and what a miracle it is (and not at all just the momentous occasions), each beat of the heart, each swallow, each blinking of the eye, each note of a musical passage, each gust of wind, each coming and going of the sun or moon, and so on. I realize how much I want to honor and fully appreciate those moments while I am able. These are the things I am perceiving with more intensity these days. I’m happy that I tried to see such things over the years – even on the run, even when bogged down with ‘duties galore’… to ALWAYS notice every detail in people, things, language, art, and to somehow be enriched and expanded by them. I never have wanted to be closed off to any ‘stimulus’.
There is a sensation too now while I’m at work, of a great ‘letting go’ of all of the details and deadlines, and sometimes headaches (although they rarely had any physical pain that I could sense, thank goodness) that would envelop me on a daily basis, even in summer, when there was a general less hectic pace in the school (although far more happening then than most realize). Letting go to someone else the control of the reins – which is considerably relaxing while also being invigorating. And I have absolutely no problem doing this. Some do, I have heard. I’ve always adopted the ‘when I’m gone, I’m gone’ approach and will here too as much as possible.
This summer, I have appreciated the ability to have a few conversations with people work with and like, without feeling that constant pressure of ‘getting back to the grind’ or to the next person fidgeting in line. Most ask me about my plans for the future, and I have already dealt with that in a previous post in this blog, so I just give a quick version and move on to something else. And while I am most happy and comfortable alone or with family, it is nice to be able to interact with some of the people at the high school with whom I have been ‘on the same wavelength’ over the years, and just connect about one thing or another as they pop in. What is also especially nice is not having to be a part of any more meetings, or planning, or training, for the future. I’ve done all of that I care to do. Of course, I want to help the incoming administrators to the best of my ability and as much as they will desire it, but the rush to ‘accomplish’ and hone and design and build and explain and win over and fix …is done. Unless you’re talking about the plumbing or other defects in my house.
I have many projects I will be taking on as we downsize. I am digitalizing all of my CD collection and will get rid of all that plastic and the space it occupies. I will miss the artwork on the labels, but that never compared to the old album covers anyway, so it’s just one more step. Now, when I want to know the details about a song, album, artist…I just go online about it to my heart’s content…even the interviews that are all over YouTube are fascinating as all get out. I’ve been watching a bunch of them about my hero, Leonard Cohen, of late. Very interesting, with lots of surprises and filling lots of gaps in my previous knowledge. And videos by his son, Adam. Also worth looking into.