SOLILOQUIES

Breaking the silence of being alone
Talking to myself again out loud                    Don’t worry                It’s all right
just trying to come to a conclusion
aiming not to be evasive or heaven forbid, tell a lie,
and knowing enough not to wait for an answer
The men in the white coats could be coming any minute I guess
but these ‘conversations’ have their value
although they are more soliloquies
in which you can take your sweet time
and dig all the way down
to the very roots of what’s inside
you can grab and twist those roots every which way
You can bounce around between options
harmlessly since there’s no one else around
Do I veer left or right at this fork in the road?
or How many minutes exactly to boil this egg?
Going down the grocery list in my head
murmuring down the aisles
not wanting to forget a thing     ignoring the looks
Or recalling steps in instructions on how to do something
slowing it all down     intent on getting it just right
with nothing out of order
Going over fragments of an old poem from childhood
meant to raise spirits and give courage
Who doesn’t need a crutch when it gets tough?
Then there’s humming
Counting
Calling out profanities at something on the news
Going over an apology for your one true love
hoping against hope to get out of the doghouse
as soon as she hears it
And calling back to the child inside you
whom you left way behind
Praying he can hear you from this place and time.

9.28.20